Everyone used to know about the treacherous pitfalls of listening to jazz music -- how it would lead to a life of sin and debauchery. Somehow, people stopped talking about the dangers of jazz, even though the music never changed.

PHOENIX, AZ Attendees at AmFest, a four-day event held at the Phoenix Convention Center, nearly had their eardrums ruptured Thursday after conservative podcaster Ben Shapiro delivered a blistering 3-hour speech in just 17 seconds.

U.S. People struggling to find a parking space will soon have their work cut out for them, as it's now expected that every single parking spot in the United States will be either handicapped or online pick-up only no later than 2027.

PHOENIX, AZ Attendees at Turning Point's AmFest 2025 event experienced an awkward moment last night, as Tucker Carlson interrupted his own speech for evening prayer to Mecca.

Let's drop the act. I know how you really feel about me, and you know what? I hate you, too.

WASHINGTON, D.C. As Congress prepared to vote on legislation that would prevent gender transitioning treatment from being given to minors, Democrats blasted Republicans for trying to put hardworking genital mutilators out of business.

It's all the rage these days well-known villains getting the hero treatment with origin stories that show how misunderstood they've been all the time. But what other classic bad guys could benefit from this fad?

WASHINGTON, D.C. Ahead of a Senate vote on a bill to ban gender-transition surgeries for minors, Senator Corey Booker pledged his unwavering support for the trans community and showed solidarity with trans kids by announcing his plan to get his vagina removed.

MONROVIA, CA A local wife revealed that she found the perfect way to get her husband's attention after dressing up as the historic Lockheed P-38 Lightning fighter aircraft.

ANN ARBOR, MI In the wake of police arresting University of Michigan's football coach Sherrone Moore, authorities have decided to go ahead and just arrest everyone else in Michigan, just to be safe.

The holiday classic Home Alone featured some of the most iconic improvised booby traps in movie history, but did you know that the original script included many more of them?

U.S. Federal authorities announced on Wednesday that liberals are now dangerously mad, a significant update from when they were just regular mad only days ago.

JERICHO The victim of a local violent assault and robbery saw his predicament go from bad to worse today, as an introverted Samaritan reportedly crossed over to the other side of the road to avoid having to make small talk with a man who had been beaten and left for dead.

DAYTON, OH A giant skeleton Halloween decoration received an updated look this week as its owners climbed a ladder and placed a Santa hat on its head, thus brilliantly transforming it into a Christmas decoration.

PROVIDENCE, RI Leadership at Brown University, frustrated with the lack of progress in tracking the shooter who killed two students and injured many more on December 13, has reportedly recruited Chief Clancy Wiggum of Springfield to assist in the case.

The seers at The Babylon Bee, authors of hundreds of now-fulfilled prophecies, have come together to bring you our 100% accurate predictions for 2026.

ANTARCTICA Santa Claus' Workshop may be in trouble after it was revealed that elves located at the South Pole have been making cheap knock-off toys for Christmas at half the price.

CAMBRIDGE As the nations of the West continue to struggle with understanding how to deal with the spread of immigrants from Islamic countries, a groundbreaking new study found that islamophobia may be at least partially caused by Muslims killing people all the time.

U.S. According to sources, investigative journalist James O'Keefe once again went deep undercover in spite of his notoriety by parting his hair on the other side.

WESTMINSTER, CO According to sources, a so-called "Zoomer" is actually low-key trying hard at life and caring about things. Totally cringe. Whatever.

NEW YORK CITY, NY Popular kids' entertainment mogul Miss Rachel apologized this week for releasing what many are calling a poorly timed video titled "J Is For Jihad."

U.S. In a heartfelt showing of remembrance for the renowned director of This Is Spinal Tap, the nation's worship leaders collectively announced plans to honor Rob Reiner by turning their guitars up to 11.

LAS VEGAS, NV What was thought of up until recently as a promising college football coaching career took a sad turn this week, as after being charged with multiple felonies, former University of Michigan coach Sherrone Moore was forced to move to the NFL.

WASHINGTON, D.C. An executive order banning immigration from several Muslim-majority countries compelled Democratic lawmakers to voice concerns that this may delay the global intifada.

NEW YORK, NY The leader of America's most prominent city experienced a family crisis today, as reports indicated that New York City Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani's aunt felt slightly uncomfortable at a supermarket in the wake of the Australian Islamic terror attack.