BOUNTIFUL, UT Local man James Larson made a significant life change after deciding to replace his entire personality with his affection for his newly purchased smoker.

LOS ANGELES, CA Lakers superstar LeBron James kicked off the NBA season Tuesday by performing the ceremonial opening flop ahead of the team's first game against the Golden State Warriors.

SACRAMENTO, CA In a historic move, California's famous black bears, in cooperation with the NAACP, met on the steps of the state capitol to demand that they now be referred to as "Bears of Color."

People often mistake us for an official church ministry, so we get a lot of e-mails asking about sin. We usually ignore them, but not today! Join us as we exercise deep spiritual discernment to answer the following important questions:

WASHINGTON, D.C. Construction workers tasked with building a new White House Ballroom reportedly discovered 1,357 stashes of cocaine hidden within the walls and ceilings of the East Wing.

WASHINGTON, D.C.-Democrats continued their long tradition of holding whites-only rallies over the weekend as hundreds gathered around the country to protest what they see as executive overreach.

Thanks to all of the "No Kings" protests that took place across the United States over the weekend, we now live in a completely different world. There isn't enough time or space to detail all of the earth-shattering things that have come about as a result of the "No Kings' movement, but it's worth calling attention to some of them.

LOS ANGELOS, CA A local homeless man reported over the weekend that he had been made fun of by all of the other homeless men for not having an iPhone 17.

SAN DIMAS, CA A group of bored high school students asked their chemistry teacher this week when he was going to teach them how to cook meth and go on crazy adventures in an RV.

SILVER SPRING, MD An abjectly sinful four-month-old baby appeared to pay no attention whatsoever to the sermon at Bethel Lutheran Church this morning.

U.S. The countrywide "No Kings" protests are being hailed as an unmitigated success as after two days of rallies, America still does not have any kings.

ATHENS Activist Greta Thunberg told reporters today that Israel put a noose on her, dumped bleach on her hair, and shouted, "This is bagel country!"

U.S. Millions of Americans took to the streets today in order to express to the world their total and absolute ignorance about the political system they live in.

WASHINGTON, D.C. Secretary of HHS Robert F. Kennedy Jr. ordered an airstrike on a cargo ship full of Tylenol attempting to reach the American coast.

U.S. Baseball fans across the country rent their garments and cried out in anguish tonight, asking the Almighty God how long they must suffer after the Los Angeles Dodgers swept the Milwaukee Brewers to once again advance to the World Series.

SCRANTON, PA The upcoming weekend promised to be a fun one for one local family, as they were excited to get a new inkjet printer that would work flawlessly for the first six hours and then never again.

The Daily Wire is stepping into the world of live-action television with The Pendragon Cycle, an ambitious adaptation of Stephen R. Lawhead's popular fantasy novels. But show runner and former Daily Wire CEO Jeremy Boreing isn't stopping there.

JONESBORO, AK Services at a local Lutheran church were reportedly disrupted this week when the church organist added a blistering 10-minute organ solo to "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God."

Budget crises are nothing new for New York City. Though the city has come a long way since the 1970s, when it was over $400 million in debt and required state and federal intervention, New York has been in the red for the past three years. Current projections suggest a surplus for 2026, but it's going to require precise management of city funds to avoid ...

U.S. A new setting on Google Maps was expected to save thousands of marriages by forgoing the optimum travel route to instead direct the husband along the route his wife thinks he should take.

TUCSON, AZ Ahead of the upcoming holiday, local Christian mom Helen Richards reportedly couldn't decide if she should allow her kids to dress up for Halloween or have them get into Heaven instead.

U.S. Airline passengers of the world could finally breathe a sigh of relief, as all major airlines have introduced ejection seats for people who have loud conversations.

ALERT: This is an important public service announcement for anyone planning to enjoy their boats out on the water for the foreseeable future.

LONDON As the fun and excitement of America's Major League Baseball season draws to a dramatic close, the British had reportedly taken it upon themselves to join in and set up their own league. However, they have reportedly mucked it up, sadly getting the rules all wrong, forgetting to wear gloves, using flat bats, and putting some sticks behind home plate ...

GAZA Day-to-day life in the terrorist occupied area of Gaza settled back into its normal pre-war routine, as with Israel's withdrawal to comply with the ceasefire agreement, Hamas was finally able to conduct public executions in peace.