- http://theonion.com/the-onions-e...ew-with-robert-pattinson/Primetime star Robert Pattinson is receiving widespread acclaim for his portrayal of To Catch A Predator host Chris Hansen. The Onion sat down with the actor to discuss his craft, his career, and whats next. The Onion: What creative liberties did you take with the role of Chris Hansen? Pattinson: Instead of Why don’t you […] The post The Onions ...Posted 5 days 6 hours ago - 09/24/26
- http://theonion.com/usda-replace...-with-one-giant-rutabaga/The post USDA Replaces Food Stamps With One Giant Rutabaga appeared first on The Onion.Posted 6 days 5 hours ago - 09/23/26
- http://theonion.com/american-med...-only-thing-that-matters/CHICAGOGranting the public permission to disregard the organization’s previous recommendations, American Medical Association officials announced this week that huge biceps were now the only thing that mattered for health. Rather than worrying about eating a balanced diet or maintaining an active lifestyle, our advice is to spend as much time as possible ...Posted 6 days 6 hours ago - 09/23/26
- http://theonion.com/algorithm-di...ummo-is-to-rest-of-world/PLAISTOW, NHBlaming their friends personalized internet feed for his warped perception of the films impact, sources confirmed Wednesday that the algorithm presented to local man Todd Bennett had been distorting how important he thinks Gummo is to the rest of the world. No matter which social media site hes on, hes being pushed Gummo content […] The post ...Posted 6 days 6 hours ago - 09/23/26
- http://theonion.com/regretful-ma...d-in-rice-7000-years-ago/ST. LOUISKicking himself for missing out on a potentially lucrative financial opportunity, local man Keith Towers reportedly realized this week that he might have become rich if he had invested in rice 7,000 years ago. Damn, I wish I’d had the foresight to put some money down on rice back in 5000 B.C., because Id […] The post Regretful Man Realizes He ...Posted 6 days 6 hours ago - 09/23/26
- http://theonion.com/dr-doodiddle/The post Dr. DooDiddle appeared first on The Onion.Posted 6 days 6 hours ago - 09/23/26
- http://theonion.com/hunter-arres...staking-woman-for-a-deer/A 74-year-old hunter was arrested on felony manslaughter charges after fatally shooting a woman whom he mistook for a deer. What do you think? The post Hunter Arrested After Mistaking Woman For A Deer appeared first on The Onion.Posted 6 days 6 hours ago - 09/23/26
The Onion Headlines
