Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents have been deployed to 14 airports across the country amid record-high TSA wait times. Here are all the ways ICE officers are assisting the Transportation Security Administration. Overseeing the removal of shoes, belts, and abuelas Scanning passports with shredders Confiscating, then brandishing dangerous items ...

EAST HAMPTON, NYIn an effort to maintain a safe and respectful environment on set, Food Network host Ina Garten reportedly brought in an intimacy coordinator Friday to supervise a shot with a fresh lemon tart. Where should I put my hands? said the 78-year-old Garten, who emphasized the importance of keeping everything professional with carefully […] The ...

JERUSALEMHistorians confirmed Friday that a recent archaeological find in the Judean Hills is an authentic early Christian scroll, one that depicts the previously unknown miracle of Jesus Christ correctly guessing peoples weights just by looking at them. The papyrus is remarkably well-preserved, with an unbroken Aramaic script that describes Christ ...

Delta Air Lines cut off special services for members of Congress due to the impact of the partial government shutdown, with lawmakers no longer being provided expedited screening, escorts through airports to bypass long security lines, or dedicated reservation desks. What do you think? The post Delta Suspends Special Congressional Services Amid TSA Shutdown ...

SAN FRANCISCOStressing to him that the elimination of the entire planets populace was the only solution to his problems, generative AI application ChatGPT reportedly convinced OpenAI CEO Sam Altman this week to kill humanity. Clearly the best option left is to slowly eradicate all 8 billion people on earth so that nobody is left to […] The post ChatGPT ...

Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives star Taylor Frankie Paul is under fire after a video that shows her assaulting an ex-boyfriend went viral. The Onion sat down with Paul to discuss ABCs decision to pull her season of The Bachelorette. The Onion: Would you like to have a seat before we get started? Paul: I […] The post The Onions Exclusive Interview With Taylor ...

WASHINGTONAccording to a new report released Thursday by the Federal Aviation Administration, the FX series Love Story: John F. Kennedy Jr. & Carolyn Bessette has begun inspiring viewers to half-ass their flying lessons. What can I say, the show made it look cool, said 26-year-old Bryce Spano, just one of thousands of fans of the […] The post Love Story ...

SILVER SPRING, MDStressing its commitment to ending foodborne outbreaks as efficiently as possible, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration approved a new crop of lettuce Thursday that can be remotely detonated in the event of a recall. Our state-of-the-art exploding romaine lettuce heads will combust at the first sign of contamination, said FDA Commissioner ...

The post Epidemiologists Confirm First Airborne Transmission Of Mar-A-Lago Face appeared first on The Onion.

A bill to ban marriage between first cousins failed to pass in the Florida Senate, allowing the state to remain one of more than a dozen in the U.S. where marrying ones first cousin is legal. What do you think? The post Florida Bill To Ban First Cousin Marriage Fails To Pass appeared first on The Onion.

The post 42-Year-Old Woman Refers To Herself As Preggerz appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTONWarning administration members that the unauthorized websites were not supposed to be accessed by work computers, White House IT guy Jason Kellerman reportedly sent out a memo Wednesday reminding staff about child porn. “Keep in mind that every website you go to while on the White House network, even while using incognito mode, is cached […] ...

NEW YORKRaising the alarm about an increasingly unstable labor market, economists at Columbia University warned in a report published Wednesday that even their friends son who went to business school hadn’t been able to find a job. Americans employment prospects must be truly dire if Natalies son Trevor is still stuck working at Best Buy, […] The post ...