MEMPHIS, TNWith a massive crowd gathering at the facility to witness a milestone event in the history of the species, Graceland celebrated this week as it welcomed the first-ever Elvis born in captivity.After many years where we didnt know if we would ever have another king, our visitors are thrilled to see this newborn Elvis […] The post Graceland ...

IRVING, TX Revealing his openness to disclosing sensitive corporate information if properly incentivized, Entenmanns CEO Larry Dunford announced Monday that he was happy to share donut-related secrets with Chinese spies in exchange for sex. Ill tell you whatever you want to know: recipes, ingredients, how we get the powdered sugar to stay on, you name […] ...

The Democrats retook the House, Senate, and many statewide offices after a massive wave of wins in the 2026 midterm election. The Onion breaks down the figures behind the Democrats blue tsunami. 54 Number of states Democrats now control Executive orders incoming $2.99 Price that swing voters expect to see at gas pumps real […] The post 2026 Midterms Blue ...

DUBAIRubbing at his eyes carefully with one hand and murmuring shit under his breath as he watched one of his slippers tumble toward the ground over 500 meters below, actor Tom Cruise reportedly woke up Wednesday while sleep-climbing the Burj Khalifa. Oh, no, not this again, said Cruise, who tightened his grip on the exterior […] The post Tom Cruise Wakes ...

FITCHBURG, WIStating that he could not recall Cocoa Beach, an airboat tour of the Everglades, or breakfast with Chip n Dale at the Garden Grill Restaurant, local seventh grader Caleb May told reporters Thursday that the only memory he had of the $6,000 vacation he took with his family in 2019 was throwing up in […] The post Only Memory Child Has Of $6,000 ...

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