Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton (R) will be facing James Talarico (D) in the race for a U.S. Senate seat this November. Heres everything you need to know about the Republican candidate. Angle Of Smirk: 34 degrees Signature Style: Rushing to put belt back on Campaign Slogan: Come Alone With Small, Unmarked Bills Position On […] The post Political ...

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NEW YORK CITYTouting the discovery as a breakthrough in understanding the behavioral patterns of the insects, Rockefeller University researchers published a study Friday revealing that mosquitos are more attracted to people branded with the Mosquito Gods rune of punishment. After several rounds of clinical trials with a control group, we can confirm that ...

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are reportedly tying the knot this summer. The Onion shares everything we know about the big day so far. The post A Sneak Peek At Taylor Swift’s Wedding appeared first on The Onion.

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LOS ANGELESExplaining why the company could no longer release Artificial as previously planned, Amazon MGM Studios head Mike Hopkins told director Luca Guadagnino on Thursday that he didnt realize the film would be so pro-art. I had no idea youd be promoting creativity to such an extent, said Hopkins, who noted that hed made the […] The post Amazon ...

France recorded the hottest day ever in its history, with temperatures reaching a high of 44.3 degrees Celsius (or 111.7 degrees Fahrenheit) as a brutal heat wave continues to engulf Western Europe. What do you think? The post France Records Hottest Day Ever appeared first on The Onion.

WASHINGTONIn an effort to alert parents to the potentially dangerous consequences of playing the highly anticipated game,critics warned Thursday thatGrand Theft Auto VI could inspire impressionable teens to live in Florida. This game glamorizes life in Florida to such an outrageous extent that its easy to see how young minds could be fooled into thinking ...

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Supergirl, starring Milly Alcock, opens this weekend. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the film. Q: What is the premise? A: A female superhero must single-handedly save the world as she knows it after the catastrophic collapse of interest in the genre. Q: Is Superman in this one? A: Why? You dont […] The post What To Know About Supergirl ...

HANNIBAL, MOExpanding their exercise empire through a hostile takeover of the nearby business, the imperialistic Planet Fitness reportedly annexed a nearby GameStop Thursday as part of their Judgement Free Zone. In our commitment to improving the worlds physique, we must take what is rightfully ours, said Planet Fitness CEO Colleen Keating in a fiery ...

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MILWAUKEEFollowing his blockbuster trade to the Miami Heat, former Milwaukee Bucks superstar Giannis Antetokounmpo took out a full-page ad in The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel Thursday thanking Bucks fans for not eating him during his 13 seasons with the franchise. To the people of Milwaukee, please know that I will be forever grateful that you looked […] ...

LOS ANGELESEnticing fans with the promise of the franchises most dangerous stunt yet, a new trailer for Jackass: Best And Last released Wednesday showed an aging Johnny Knoxville trying to climb a staircase without a handrail. Holy shit, what the fuck am I doing? said the 55-year-old Knoxville, who was seen in the footage shrugging […] The post New ...

RACINE, WIVowing that the new product line was the ideal way to make termites and beetles suffer for all eternity, household chemical manufacturer S.C. Johnson announced Wednesday that its insecticide brand Raid would be unveiling a new immortality spray that curses insects to watch everyone they love die. With Raid Immortality Spray, bugs will no […] The ...

Restaurants and bars catering to World Cup visitors have struggled with foreign tourists leaving without tipping, with many travelers confused by or unaware of the American practice. What do you think? The post World Cup Tourists Fail To Leave Tips appeared first on The Onion.

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MIAMIWhispering a final goodbye to a wallet photo of his wife and two young daughters, beer delivery driver Marcus Dailey jumped down from the cab of his semi truck Wednesday and pointed a trembling shotgun as a crowd of Scottish soccer fans closed in. Back! Im warning you! Get back right now! saidDailey, nestling the […] The post Beer Delivery Driver ...

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Multiple Christian energy drink brands, such as Yahweh and Praise Energy, have hit the market, capitalizing on the image of Jesus to sell their products. What do you think? The post Christian Energy Drinks Hit Market appeared first on The Onion.

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CHICAGOCalling the update a major breakthrough for players who enjoy new-ball smell, Wilson Sporting Goods officials unveiled a new line of tennis balls Tuesday that contain even more smell. We know tennis fans love that bright chemical fragrance, so we dipped these balls in as much smell as they could physically absorb, said Wilson spokesperson […] The ...