- http://theonion.com/study-more-s...-parrot-who-can-dial-911/NEW YORKShedding light on the demographic shifts that have transformed the generation’s relationships, a Hunter College study published Monday revealed that more single millennials were settling for a parrot who could dial 911.Were finding that an increasing number of millennials are forgoing a serious romantic partner in favor of a cockatiel or macaw who ...Posted 3 days 18 hours ago - 06/12/25
- http://theonion.com/israel-inter...th-greta-thunberg-aboard/An aid boat carrying environmental campaigner Greta Thunberg and other activists was intercepted by Israeli forces, with Israel’s defense minister having vowed to prevent the ship from reaching the Gaza Strip. What do you think? The post Israel Intercepts Gaza Aid Boat With Greta Thunberg Aboard appeared first on The Onion.Posted 4 days 6 hours ago - 06/11/25
- http://theonion.com/close-to-transportation/This 2-bedroom, 1.5-bath home is conveniently located on a bustling stretch of tarmac at LaGuardia Airport. Reference #257977 The post Close To Transportation appeared first on The Onion.Posted 4 days 10 hours ago - 06/11/25
- http://theonion.com/dissolving-f...-face-completely-concave/The post Dissolving Fillers Leave Face Completely Concave appeared first on The Onion.Posted 4 days 10 hours ago - 06/11/25
- http://theonion.com/amazon-tease...of-collective-bargaining/LOS ANGELESTeasing several juicy details on the heels of their recent $1 billion purchase of the franchise, Amazon officials announced Friday that the next James Bond film would feature the famed spy facing off against the threat of collective bargaining.We here at Amazon are so thrilled to bring James Bond back to the big screen, […] The post Amazon ...Posted 4 days 10 hours ago - 06/11/25
- http://theonion.com/aaron-rodger...h-pittsburgh-area-bunker/PITTSBURGHAfter the Steelers signed him to a one-year, $13.6 million deal with performance incentives, quarterback Aaron Rodgers reportedly purchased a lavish underground bunker Tuesday in the heart of Pittsburgh. “I’ve always loved Pittsburgh, and I’m excited to finally get settled into a new survival shelter in an undisclosed location deep beneath ...Posted 5 days 5 hours ago - 06/10/25
- http://theonion.com/ice-releases...n-newsom-beheading-video/WASHINGTONDisseminating grainy footage of the California Democrat meeting his disturbing and bloody end, Immigration and Customs Enforcement released a video Tuesday in which Gov. Gavin Newsom is seen being beheaded. This is a message to the enemies of immigration enforcement: Gov. Newsoms fate will be yours should you stand in the way of national purity, ...Posted 5 days 8 hours ago - 06/10/25
- http://theonion.com/ken-weathers-and-timmie-sied/The happy couples wedding will be first come, first served and open to the public, so loved ones are encouraged to get there early. The post Ken Weathers and Timmie Sied appeared first on The Onion.Posted 5 days 10 hours ago - 06/10/25
- http://theonion.com/dhs-chief-we...re-between-1776-and-1943/The post DHS Chief: We Are A Nation Of Immigrants Who Came Here Between 1776 And 1943 appeared first on The Onion.Posted 5 days 10 hours ago - 06/10/25
- http://theonion.com/sailor-regre...ried-to-the-sea-so-young/NEW BEDFORD, MAWishing he had seen more of life before taking on such a big commitment, local sailor Marcus Haines told reporters Tuesday that he regretted getting married to the sea so young.I was so captivated by those big blue waves that I never stopped to consider whether I was rushing into things with the […] The post Sailor Regrets Getting Married ...Posted 5 days 10 hours ago - 06/10/25
- http://theonion.com/cdc-publishe...ale-body-hair-guidelines/ATLANTAStressing that the rules were formulated for the safety of all Americans, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released new guidelines Thursday governing female body hair.Effective immediately, women nationwide are advised to remove all hair from arms, legs, underarms, and genital areas or suffer the legal consequences, said CDC ...Posted 5 days 10 hours ago - 06/10/25
- http://theonion.com/the-onions-box-office-hits/The post The Onions Box Office Hits appeared first on The Onion.Posted 5 days 10 hours ago - 06/10/25
- http://theonion.com/wild-elephant-raids-grocery-store/A hungry wild elephant caused havoc in a grocery store in Thailand when he strolled in from a nearby national park and helped himself to food on the shelves. What do you think? The post Wild Elephant Raids Grocery Store appeared first on The Onion.Posted 6 days 4 hours ago - 06/09/25
- http://theonion.com/tips-for-first-time-hikers/Hiking can be an enjoyable way to achieve your exercise goals while spending quality time in nature. Here are The Onion’s tips for first-time hikers. Before heading into the wilderness, practice walking around and getting bored in your neighborhood. Carry a writing implement and paper for your heartbreaking last note. Dont hike with anyone youre […] The ...Posted 6 days 4 hours ago - 06/09/25
- http://theonion.com/cologne-evac...of-unexploded-wwii-bombs/The biggest evacuation in the German city of Cologne since World War II is under way after the discovery of three unexploded bombs dropped by allied forces 80 years ago. What do you think? The post Cologne Evacuated After Discovery Of Unexploded WWII Bombs appeared first on The Onion.Posted 6 days 7 hours ago - 06/09/25
- http://theonion.com/gingham-style/The post Gingham Style appeared first on The Onion.Posted 6 days 10 hours ago - 06/09/25
- http://theonion.com/picture-yourself-dying-here/Statistically speaking, home is the place where you are most likely to dieso hows this one feel to you? Reference #28106 The post Picture Yourself Dying Here appeared first on The Onion.Posted 6 days 10 hours ago - 06/09/25
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