- http://babylonbee.com/news/9-cha...s-bringing-to-the-chosen/The official announcement that the popular biblical drama The Chosen will begin streaming on Disney+ elicited a mixed fan response, with some viewers wondering what types of changes Disney might make to the show.Posted 15 minutes 26 seconds ago - 05/03/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/mark-...nks-the-emperor-is-doing/DEATH STAR Viewers of the Imperial News Network were stunned today, as Mark Hamill joined a Death Star press conference to say what a good job he thinks the Emperor is doing.Posted 1 hour 26 minutes ago - 05/03/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/10-wa...for-supporting-palestine/The fascist police state is coming to arrest you for supporting Palestine and for no other reason than that. What will you do, comrade?Posted 2 hours 19 minutes ago - 05/03/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/ive-n...-with-garbage-can-shield/LOS ANGELES, CA After weeks of dealing with unruly and aggravated protestors, a Los Angeles police officer finally felt moments of real joy and euphoria as a line of commie UCLA students charged him with garbage can shields.Posted 3 hours 14 minutes ago - 05/03/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/james...-with-college-encampment/NEW YORK According to sources, noted guerrilla journalist and founder of Project Veritas James O'Keefe successfully infiltrated the protest encampment at Columbia University while disguised as the late Karl Marx.Posted 4 hours 47 minutes ago - 05/03/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/its-n...reat-maker-of-the-desert/ARRAKIS A low rumble reverberated through the ground and the sands began to shift as a colossal sandworm of the desert emerged to swallow up another advocate for the legal ownership of sandworms.Posted 5 hours 17 minutes ago - 05/03/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/congr...-protest-border-security/WASHINGTON, D.C. A legislative stalemate appeared to be brewing on Capitol Hill as congressional Democrats put forth a resolution that demanded $40 billion to pay for UCLA student protest border security.Posted 1 day 4 hours ago - 05/02/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/docto...you-can-wait-even-longer/U.S. In a helpful message regarding your upcoming appointment, your doctor has reminded you to be sure that you arrive early so you can wait even longer.Posted 1 day 4 hours ago - 05/02/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/immig...to-guard-southern-border/UNITED STATES The immigration crisis appears to be finally over after the Department of Homeland Security deployed a crack regiment of fraternity brothers to guard the southern border.Posted 1 day 4 hours ago - 05/02/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/missi...-united-methodist-church/U.S. A group of devout Christian missionaries has arrived all the way from Africa to reach the United Methodist Church and tell them about the Gospel of Jesus Christ.Posted 1 day 4 hours ago - 05/02/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/boein...ile-wearing-cement-shoes/ARLINGTON, VA In a press conference held this morning, Boeing sadly announced that a whistleblower had shot himself in the back while falling off a skyscraper directly into a wood chipper while wearing cement shoes.Posted 1 day 4 hours ago - 05/02/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/37-ye...-hole-in-the-ozone-layer/LINDALE, TX Brandon Morris, a 37-year-old Texas native, became distracted from his work Thursday after suddenly remembering he was supposed to be worrying about the hole in the ozone layer.Posted 1 day 5 hours ago - 05/02/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/momen...ttacking-first-amendment/WASHINGTON, D.C. With Democrats across the country embroiled in vicious infighting, antisemitism, and takeovers of college campuses, Republicans have decided to remedy their impending victory by attacking the First Amendment.Posted 1 day 6 hours ago - 05/02/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/docto...ing-for-over-two-decades/GRANDVIEW, MO A patient's lingering questions were finally answered today, as a doctor pointed out on an MRI scan to the part of the man's brain where the Seinfeld bass riff has been playing for over two decades.Posted 2 days 1 hour ago - 05/01/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/9-rea...cupying-campus-buildings/Much has been made about the student protesters occupying spaces on college campuses recently -- but what do these masked, wanna-be revolutionaries actually want? The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of completely reasonable demands being made by students occupying campus buildings:Posted 2 days 1 hour ago - 05/01/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/baby-...nleash-diaper-apocalypse/RUIDOSO, NM Local baby Oliver Daniels patiently waited to be completely strapped in his car seat before unleashing Armageddon in his diaper.Posted 2 days 3 hours ago - 05/01/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/king-...-to-decide-on-restaurant/JERUSALEM Sad news emerged from the royal palace today, as it was announced that King Solomon had died of old age while waiting for his 700 wives to decide on which restaurant to go to for dinner.Posted 2 days 4 hours ago - 05/01/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/ameri...an-dylan-dylan-and-dylan/CHAPEL HILL, NC The American flag was defended from crazed protesters by a group of University of North Carolina fraternity brothers who have now been identified as Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, and Dylan.Posted 2 days 4 hours ago - 05/01/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/trage...a-and-is-dead-once-again/NEW YORK Congressional Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was tragically killed Tuesday night during a police raid at Columbia University in which hundreds of pro-Palestinian protesters were arrested.Posted 2 days 5 hours ago - 05/01/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/new-s...ely-manhandled-by-police/U.S. Advancements in ways to counter anxiety about the state of the country had experts encouraged, as a new study found the most effective treatment for depression to be watching scrawny libs getting absolutely manhandled by police.Posted 2 days 5 hours ago - 05/01/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/histo...mmunists-run-out-of-food/COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY In a shocking turn of events that nobody could have predicted, communists have once again run out of food. The commies at Columbia University lasted less than twelve hours before running out of food and pleading for humanitarian aid, setting a new record for the collapse of communist food supply.Posted 2 days 6 hours ago - 05/01/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/8-way...testers-from-your-campus/If you're part of the administration of a major university, what you've seen on the news may have you feeling rather frightened. Say, for the sake of discussion, a large group of unruly students sets up an autonomous zone on campus and refuses to vacate. What can you do?Posted 2 days 23 hours ago - 04/30/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/ucla-...ble-identifying-armbands/LOS ANGELES, CA In a new initiative to streamline the school's identification process, UCLA announced it would be replacing previous student IDs with new fashionable identifying armbands.Posted 3 days 14 minutes ago - 04/30/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/i-lik...werful-coming-out-speech/KANSAS CITY, MO Local man Dave Barrett let friends and family know he was totally gay by announcing he loves the band Coldplay.Posted 3 days 1 hour ago - 04/30/24
- http://babylonbee.com/news/churc...ith-veggietales-marathon/LONDON In an attempt to lay a solid biblical foundation following his recent baptism, church leaders worked to get Russell Brand up to speed on Christian theology by sitting him down for a VeggieTales marathon.Posted 3 days 3 hours ago - 04/30/24
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