The Bible tells us that when you're a Christian, things can get pretty rough especially in countries other than the United States. Thankfully, there are some amazing rewards in store for believers who suffer for the Gospel.

The Bible tells us that when you're a Christian, things can get pretty rough especially in countries other than the United States. Thankfully, there are some amazing rewards in store for believers who suffer for the Gospel.

NEW YORK, NY In a courageous act to promote racial equity in America, New York Times contributor Nikole Hannah-Jones abandoned her young daughter at well-known crack house.

WASHINGTON, D.C. Republican leaders are reportedly meeting this week to discuss how their polling could be so terrible ahead of the midterms despite doing so many wildly unpopular things.

DALLAS, TX Local husband Max Boyer was reportedly welcomed home Tuesday by his wife, Tiffany, who proudly announced that she had earned $184.50 that afternoon by successfully returning items to Target.

NEW YORK, NY In a very special new episode of her popular YouTube children's program, content creator Ms. Rachel announced that her beloved sidekick, Herbie the puppet, had joined Hamas as a child soldier.

NEW YORK, NY Fear spread rapidly at today's session of the General Assembly as, in a tense moment, the Iranian president addressed the United Nations while holding a thermal detonator.

NEW YORK, NY Speaking at the UN this week, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney clarified their Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID) program, explaining that by "assisted suicide" they mean "unsolicited murder".

ONTARIO Famed hitman and coin-flipping enthusiast Anton Chigurh announced this week that he had been hired by the Canadian government to help out with their assisted suicide program.

PITTSBURGH, PA Local man Jeremiah Crisp took solace in the assurance that artificial intelligence would destroy all humanity in a fiery apocalypse before Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez would have the chance to be elected president.

NEW YORK, NY The 81st General Assembly of the United Nations entered a high-level week of talks this week, with delegates demanding that the world take the organization seriously.

CANTON, OH Local man Curt Greenfield once again started off the day fairly righteous, right up until the moment that his children woke up.

SEATTLE, WA Amazon announced an update to its package tracking system that would helpfully inform California customers when their package had reached their destination and been stolen.

WORLD The international Muslim community issued a collective statement this week explaining that it would be unfair to judge their religion based on the bad actions of several million of its members.

WASHINGTON, D.C. HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced on Monday that he was teaming up with Starbucks to create a bold new Beef Tallow Spice Frappuccino as a healthier fall option for consumers.

EARTH Noah's wife came up topside on the ark this morning to dry out laundry, only to catch Noah once again trying to huck the cats overboard.

ASHBURN, VA A local data center situated just outside of town, in what is commonly called "Data Center Alley," reportedly disguised itself as an abortion clinic as part of a shrewd plan to win support from liberals.

WORLD In the wake of the controversy swirling around musician Ed Sheeran, millions of people across the globe were tragically reported to have been forced to listen to Ed Sheeran.

PEORIA, IL Local man Chandler Cooke reportedly saw his prayer life totally reinvigorated as his teenage kids started driving.

U.S. Concerned Americans have started a GoFundMe to purchase some clothing for the obviously destitute Sydney Sweeney.

DALLAS, TX A new industry report released Thursday concluded that Chili's persistent reputation problem is due to it being truly awful.

SAN ANTONIO, TX Local Uber driver Vish Patel spent hours today searching his phone for the worst possible photo to use in his Uber profile.

COLUMBUS, OH Local man Greg Gentry reportedly spent Friday morning mentally and physically preparing to perform a lobotomy on himself after his four-year-old daughter discovered the children's television franchise Blippi.

WASHINGTON, D.C. Congress held a preemptive state funeral honoring Senator Mitch McConnell on Friday, as the Senate sergeant-at-arms had him lie in state, "just in case."

SINAI The women of Israel erupted into celebration this week after Moses struck a rock with his staff, causing a torrent of pumpkin spice latte to gush forth.